here we go again...

so i gotta feeling im about to be single again... life is so f'n dumb right now... so i guess im unhappy and its supposedly my fault...

so bookie claims that since he dont like what ive been doing he checked himself outta the relationship sorta speak... but pause... all thru his doing wrong and whatever else i never just gave up while still claiming to be his i simply told him how i felt and let him be free...play... but now this idiot decided to just be an a s s all while feelin like we shouldnt be together.

so im tryin to get him to understand that he really messing us up.. becuz if he wasnt so stuck on whatever his thoughts are then we would be fine becuz he would still be keeping me happy but instead he took the selfish route.. i cant get with this. dont really know what to do with the situation. i feel so lost and empty and i dont like this feeling. im not this girl but i guess sometimes u step outta your element for love... maybe i dunno yet. still tryin to work this so that we both can feel like we came out on top u know. i hate not feeling like he cares and i hate him feeling like i dont care. its not true and it hurts my heart soo much. but if we dont figure things out then we just werent meant to be.

passion is all we need

***MAUH***
keepin it pretti

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ME... SIKE

so this past weekend i was in east lansing because i had a few graduations to attend. nevertheless mother's day was sunday and i didnt plan on haveing fun at all since my bookie had to work all day. my plan was to make it back late saturday night so i could have a little time to spend with him. so anyway... he had the place to himself all weekend and of course i stated that i wanted to come home to a clean apartment.. did that happen noooo.

first off... he got drunk saturday night so when i got home he was passed out and barely acknowledged me.. what a waste? then i wake up only to have to clean up my kitchen and bathroom and all the while he's laying in the bed talkin about a stop we have to make before he goes to work. so of the B I T C H came out. i mean i was going off for a good 10 mins. i was really angry and felt unappreciated and just disappointed in him... i hate when he disappoints me.

so then me fussin and callin him stupid all of a sudden ignited something in this fool to start going off about something we argued about 2 weeks prior. then he does the dumbest thing ever.. he punched my glass table. i wanna to kill him for doing something that damn dumb over something so dumb. so i ended up kicking him out. lol

its really not funny but the thing is he is mad that im friends with dougie... yes dougie... thing is he really has nothing to worry about. me and dougie have always been friends and will always be that. its not that serious. i really feel like he dont trust me even though i've never given him any reason not to. i've always done what was right for us... minus a few things but none of these things ever happened while me and him were together. he is fool to me. but i love him and i now where his heart is and he is just afraid of losing me again. but i wont let that happen well not unless he breaks another table... by the way we are back together... i can deal with a little insecurity but its the damage that he caused that bothers me. he wrecks us and obviously the furniture with this bs and i just wanna slap him upsode his head and say "look dummy u got me and all this is unnecessary." i feel like im over everything bad that ever happened and now he's creating more crap for me to push to the side. i cant do that all the time. i grew up and i dont wanna have to put up with nonsense not when we are so great now. i mean he wants to tell me i cant talk to him and just have that be it. but what he doesnt realize is if we start running each others life then we'll end up miserable becuz all we do is what the other thinks is ok. on the other hand i know im in a relationship and its my job to stay true and loyal to mine and thats exactly what i do and what i have been doing. i'm always at my best for him and he needs to be man enough to see that. well i guess he sees it but sometimes he's wants to be blinded by the devil on his shoulder. ugh i hate this part lol.

but i'm a happy camper. and i do believe that we will forever remain the amazing match. i just dont like the self sabotage. he needs some help. and that help has to come from me. so i gotta figure something out. we gotta start doing new things and really reaching out to each other.

last night we were laying in the bed and he said "we dont talk anymore"... i told him we dont talk like we used to becuz b4 he was just tellin me what i wanted to hear in order to keep me around. so now i guess new means of communication are needed. i'll get back and update on what works for us and what doesn't... please believe I'M MARRYING THIS FOOL lmao

by the way.... BIG UPS TO WIFEY FOR TREATING ME TO APPLEBEE'S ON MOTHER'S DAY. the food really help calm my nerves lol... she's always there for me.

til next time

***MUAH***
keepin it pretti

SO bday update

let me start off by saying... YESSSSS... its was bunches of fun. its was like 20 of us there for my party alone... everybody was lookin really nice too

so here's the drama.... so usually we cause drama within our own circle due to drinking or what not... but nope not on my bday... so my bookie's ex-boo ended at the same damn place where we were partying... needless to say that tramp is lucky she was able to walk up out of there with no assistance... so long story short. she obviously came for drama and mission accomplished... but so very wrong... she messed with my PG's mainly WIFEY and i dont play that sh*t. if i see her anytime soon she will pay for what she did.... lifetime guaranty just came with those words.. i just felt like it was no reason for any of it.. she didnt stop my shine and WIFEY was laughin 5 mins later but still.. i wanted to kill her. sorry i didnt go into great details but i just wanted this stuff to be over and obviously im still pissed... ugh.. i hate when im like this.

my main thing now is i shoulda beat her a s s a long time ago... why was i so damn nice.. but at least i learned my lesson now. i still dont get her problem tho.. she was with my bd,... i got him now but still i never disrespected her.. was always a woman about mine and get this its been like 6 months and she got a man... why she still worried about us this way.. so confusing.. she needs to get a life before she lose her life.. i so sick of this..

other than that madness... me and bookie got into about me talkin to dougie.. but im not a child and i dont think its right for him to sit up and say who i can and can not talk to. a friend is a friend.. especially when you're in a secure and stable relationship.. there is no distraction there. i hope he sees things my way. not so the i can still talk to dougie but just becuz i wanna know that we're for real..

thats it for now

***MUAH***
keepin it pretti

APRIL 25th

MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 4 MORE DAYS... BUT IM PARTYING IN 3 MORE DAYS... I CANT WAIT. IM TURNING 23... OUCH.. BUT WHATEVER I GOTTA GET OLDER I HAVE A GROWING CHILD LOL

ANYWHO WILL REPORT BACK WITH THE MANY DETAILS OF HOW MUCH FUN I HAD.. WELL I BETTER HAVE FUN.. LOL I'LL CRY IF I DONT. ANY WAY I WISH HONEY BEE COULD COME.. BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS... SISI IS MISSING OUT TOO. SO HOPEFULLY I'LL BE TOO DRUNK TO FEEL HAVE COMPLETE LOL

***MUAH***
KEEPIN IT PRETTI

INTIMACY!!

so i think guys need to read a book on the meaning of the word... INTIMACY... or at least my guy needs to lol

so u know before i said our connection was deeper.. well it is but i think that when sex isnt being had often then u are forced to find more connection. now that we live together we have sex like every other day. unless its that time u know...

so anyway the other day i had to check him.. like its other things that we can experience or get into without it actually leading to sex. i guess he just been too excited but im like when is it going to die down. i get exhausted sometimes just having to wake up in the morning. i need something more relaxing. so it came to the point that when he crawls in bed and immediately holds me then that mean he wants it but if he dont he just crawls into bed and go to sleep. i dont appreciate that at all. so i had to check him and i hope he gets the point becuz other than that he wont be getting anything. and im so very serious lol

so ima have to buy him a book or strike on his butt becuz he foolin.. i already gotta worry about momo coming in there in the middle of the night so i dont sleep right with her in the middle of us. its not great at all.. but yet and still things are great but not perfect lol.. i could ask for more but then what would be the point

love it still

***MUAH***
keepin it pretti

SO BACK TO MY LIFE NOW LOL

so i finally moved. and i love my new place. at first i wasnt spending a lot of time there due to work but since i only work 30 hours now im at home more often. i just love spending qt with the fam.. well sometimes. lol my daughter is getting so bad now and she doesnt listen to anything i say ever... terrible terrible twos lol

me and my bookie are doing great..well most days. we dont really have drama even though everytime i text or get on fb he has a problem with it. still.... i feel like he dont trust me or like he is worried about something which in return worries me. like i be whatever on him. i dont know whathe does when im at work and i usually dont care until he start actin like im doing something wrong. well i kinda am but still how would he know.. let me clarify... i dont cheat or anything but i do talk to dougie a lot. i dunno why.. i guess its still some feelings there but me and him have always been able to be cool anyway so its just nice to talk and laugh with him sometimes. it would never... never say never... but i dont ever think it would come to anything harmful to my relationship and trust im not the type to leave someone for someone else so its innocent.. i promise. thing is i know that if bookie knew it would cause some madness but he should know that what we have is real and that he has nothing to worry about. i know that now and i know that if i found out that he was talkin to someone from his past on the phone i would just make sure it was platonic and keep it moving. thats where i am in my relationship now. im at that we bigger and better than that petty s h i t. i dunno. hopefully he feels the same. if not that we not on the same page and its just not meant... but i know the truth so im not worried (CHEESE) lol

so im loving my life still. hating my job though, tryin to be a better friend to all of my friends but i just gotta find time u know. i've been seeing lots of my family lately and i love it. im just feeling good right now. of with these bills i dont have as much money as i want but i guess thats life. i'm tryin to get used to it and find ways to save.. oh and im tryin to get in shape for the summer. im supposed to be going back to ATL and takin a trip to florida. gotta look nice in my bathing suit lol

anyway i think that about it for now.. anything else can probably be found on the videoblogs wifey is setting up.. until next time

***MUAH***
keepin it pretti

Random!!!!!!

so i decided to blog randomly and read my wifey blog first.. so let me let something out real quick

... okay so I get what she is saying and i dont have a problem with her choosing do better with her life. i think its great. i just dont understand why she thinks we feel like we have to drink. she been knowing me way before i started drinking and we always have fun. i didnt drink the night of her bday dinner or anytime when free was here. so when she says things like we have to drink or party and she dont want us to talk to her less becuz we drink and she dont.. i feel like that is crazy. how many times have we been to the movies or out to eat or anything with out a drink. im been out plenty of times with out drinking and as far as partying when was the last time i went to a club..umm i dunno. but my bday is coming up and im sure i will be drinking but whatever thats just me. i can only speak up for myself and i know i shouldnt feel like... damn i need to defend myself but it is what it is. it was said and im thinking... it was my idea to blog sober and since ive moved ive invited her over how many times just to chill. its a lot more people who party and drink way more than we do and started way younger than we did. like i said i think its great but i just didnt want it to be like.. oh my friends drink and party like everyone else and im a follower becuz i do it too. like no... thats not what it is. yes we do a lot of stuff in the moment to have fun or feel good. but yes u live and u learn and your decisions are on u. but now i feel like okay so is she gonna not hang if i wanna party and drink... since when did parting become a bad thing but i guess we'll just see how all of this unfolds...

UPDATE!!!

so... anyway... since i last blogged
... i helped my bro get a car so i'm not the only taxi any more
... i'm looking for a new job, not becuz i have to. im still employed and my position is held but i need more and since there is no longer any room for promotion. i gotta move on... hopefully
... my bookie got a new job... nothing special but it will help pay the bills
... speaking of bills i am about to have a lot more considering...... IM MOVING INTO MY OWN PLACE... FINALLY.. IN ABOUT 6 DAYS
... therefore my lil honey bee do not close your blog i will definitely have more time to get on here. i promised to blog and i dont normally break promises. smooches hun. glad to know u lovin where you're at.
... so yeah since i have my own place now im cooking my wifey a birthday dinner. my first homecooked meal in my new place is going to be for my wifey... how about that lol

other than that... everything has been pretty cool. i mean work is work my family has been a lot cooler since they found out that im not moving with them. i just took a trip to ATL and had a bunch of fun then it snowed in GA i didnt understand lol. anyway my baby was sick for 2 weeks lost 5 pounds but she is doing way better now and eating everything she sees i swear. and my bookie and i are freakin great... well except for this one thing...

see here's the problem. we dont have a lot of intimate time. so any time that we get where its like "no ones lookin" he think that qualifies as freaky time. but no. not for me. i guess i hate the thought of being 22 and sexing so that no one can hear me. or having to stop and listen at every footstep. its so irritating. so its been rough. i work all the time and my momo is always around. its just hard for me but he dont get it sometimes. he just be horny i guess. so we fuss then we cuddle. lol but i think thats about to change since we're out and on our own finally.. oh goodness im so very excited... but anyway im just glad that we are both experiencing this new found connection with each other but normally without s e x we'd be lost and always at each others throat. but i love him oh so much and im 110% sure that this is for real this time. ... wait... my silly self actually called myself missing dougie for like 2 seconds, but i got real and snapped back to reality... there's no other for me i swear. my bookie bear feeds my soul. he completes me like so for real. u guys have no idea. kinda tearing up right now just thinking about him... this man really loves me and spoils me and levels me and challenges me and is willing to do whatever. i couldnt ask for more. everynight... he says "i'm going to marry joy. i promise baby. you gonna marry me?" i just smile give him a kiss and say "yes baby, i'm going to marry you." (i need my damn ring) lol

well i gotta go get my bookie. until next time..

***MUAH***
keepin it pretti

so many changes to come....

so i was propositioned yesterday with a nice little opportunity..
that for 1 gets me outta my moms and into my own place which is my main goal in 2009 anyway. and 2 helps me out financially. sounds weird right but if u only knew. and 3 allows me bookie and momo to literally have our own place and momo her own room again (birds chirping) lol normally its not nothing i would agree to but i kinda hopped right on this one. hopefully this works out. don't wanna say too much about it tho... fingers crossed.

so next this new proposition also came at the right time.. just found out my family is going to have to move in about 60 days anyway... ugh! (no eviction, the owner lost the house) its so frustrating but we hate my neighborhood anyway (detroit sucks).

so i'm finally about to get my license again... sigh... no more riding dirty. and we took care of the ticket bookie got while we were double dating with wifey and chi boy.

so its tax season and i told my bro i would let him borrow a grand to get a car since i plan on moving out but happen to be the only one in the house with a car. but i had already told him this before and he is acting like he don't want a loan. its not like i'm going to press him to give it right back. i would just rather help him out since he's done so much for us. i know he's good for it plus he's gettin promoted with a raise. lol

hmmm! i'm trying to think of some more things but at the moment i'm drawing a blank becuz momo is in my ear continuously askin me for some damn gum... all she gone do is swallow it anyway lol don't want that.

oh okay i remember... so my mother in law lol is tryin to get me in bcbs next month. more money hopefully that works. and bookie's job search is lookin good. i think. maybe i'm just optimistic but i gotta be. gotta referral for greek town casino... anyone want a job there?! lol

@ da end of the day still smiling and working towards a better me and a better life. until next time...


***MUAH***
keepin it pretti

2009... new beginnings!!!!!!!!!

so i'm going to make this quick becuz i have to get in the bath and get back to the fam... THE FAM!!!!!!! i love it. this is my life now.... i work, i gather everyone and we chill and we're in bed by 10pm unless its tuesday then its 11pm becuz i gotta watch bad girls club. lol

so new beginnings such as a better more stable life finally... i hope. well i gotta couple wishes first....

wish 1 - i hope for my bookie (aka the dumb baby daddy who i'm now back with.. love is so fulfilled) and donne (my bro in law) to both find new jobs. please bad economy let them be one of the lucky ones.

wish 2 - i want my two PG's (si and bee) to find real love. real completely confusing but very satisfyin love

wish 3 - for us PG's who have love... lets keep it.

wish 4 - i wish to keep all the friends i have now... no more no less. i love my life right now and as complicated as it gets i just want to deal with what i have.

so i know i said i only had a couple but 4 did the trick lol

anywho.... so yeah... im back with the BD and everything is more than great. yeah we still argue or what not but not about things that can't be fixed and yes that means i kicked dougie to the curb or he kicked himself i don't really know. all i know is that there is no room for him lol and i'm glad i finally realized what it was that kept me from him.

so my job is okay! now that i get to talk to WIFEY on chatroom when she's not busy. my friends are great well except for the usual suspects in jealous mode or whatever u wanna call it. but everything is lookin up... well my car is getting worse and worse but when i get my taxes... no complaints should come from me... i'm talkin about a 900 dollar fix all becuz i love my sunny boo and i would hate to go lookin for another car again... i mean that was so stressful.

i can't really think of any other updates at the moment... but i will try to blog more often.... just been kinda busy and tired and spending FAMILY TIME.. so love that lol
until next time...

***MUAH***
keepin it pretti