I'M SO NOT OPTIMISTIC!

i've come to realize that i've changed more than i thought. like after reading my wifey's blog i learned that i don't see things as she does and that isn't normal. we're usually on point with this stuff. but not anymore i just don't care anymore well at least i'm tryin not to care anymore. i mean, when things go wrong i usually just be like okay thats life. but now i'm taking this personal. like life is telling me "hey joy, you've enjoyed yourself enough time to join the rest of the miserable people". as much as i wanna leave MI i don't see it happening anymore. a lot of set backs. then as much as i wanna stay with DB i don't see that happening anymore. i'm taking all things into consideration. i'm not that person who just wants to have fun and skate through life. i work for what i got but now its like working is not enough. i put my all into everything i do and now its not even coming close to being worth it. i guess i'm down and bitter right now. i'm not really bitter though i just don't understand why me why now. i've been so good and true ( well i guess). i've been true to the ones who matter mainly myself. i really reached this point in my life where i'm like i love me more than anyone ever can. so i'm set on love but companionship is something else. that is one thing that i cherish a lot. i like that mutual feeling and connection with another person but now its like the one i thought i had is fading like i've been blind for the longest period of time. or maybe i've been ignoring things i dunno, i really can't figure it out.
and now on top of all of my dreams seeming to be crushed my f'n car is getting worse and worse. i'm the only one with a car now so if my car fails then my house is doomed. like no one gets to work and no one gets anything accomplished. but yet its on me to get this shit together. i know i have helped if i'm completely at a loss but its seems like no one cares like i do. like they don't realize the situation. maybe because they aren't the ones doing all the driving around and all. like they don't know what sonny (my car) goes through on a daily basis. i need my sonny and my sonny needs me and we're finding it hard to be there for each other. i don't want this to add to my problems i think i would go into a deep depression. seriously!
i guess on a better note i can say that my child is healthy to my knowledge. she has to go to the doctor wednesday to get some S H O T S. she usually is good when she gets shots but its been a while and i'm not sure how she is going to handle them. i hope she is fine with it though. i have to look into some schools for her though becuz i think the baby sitter situation is changing big time. i can't afford this. i don't know what i'm going to do i swear i don't. oh yeah this was supposed to be a better note. well too bad for that.
umm lets try this better note again .... i'm seeing the wifey tomorrowYAY!!!


***MUAH***
keepin it pretti